Haine stops play - Celebrities in the commentary box
11 Dec 2009 - 09:44:24
Cricket.co.uk's bold new signing, Will Haine, begins his weekly residency with comment on the increasing trend to feature celebrities in the commentary box.
Earlier this week I was watching some of the highlights from the second Test between Australia and the West Indies and was being treated to the aural delights of the pairing of Richie Benaud and Mark Nicholas in the commentary box.
The combination of their luscious, velvety-smooth voices was enough to make my ears melt. Then suddenly my tranquillity was abated when the rough New South Wales accent of Mark Taylor interrupted proceedings.
It was like seeing a pair of lovely breasts, only to find a hairy, bulbous wart between them.
Anyway, I digress. After my initial disgust at hearing Taylor, my feelings then turned to surprise that there were in fact three commentators on the air at one time. In theory there is absolutely nothing wrong with this idea. It actually gave me an idea of my own.
Keeping with the format of three people analysing a match at the same time, I would suggest that two of them would be your regular commentators but, here's the twist, throw a celebrity in there to spice it up a bit.
I know that TMS and Sky Sports have had Lily Allen, Russell Crowe and Stephen Fry doing various bits for them in the past, but they don't interest me because they actually know about cricket.
No, we can't have people with a knowledge of the game. Celebrities who have zero interest in cricket would be much more entertaining.
Mark Nicholas: Do you think they should bring up the long-on and stick a man in at third-slip?
Louis Walsh: I literally have no idea what you're going on about.
Seeing and hearing a cricket novice steadily grasp the differing concepts and rules of the game over a five day period would be a beautiful thing. I would weep a tear of joy at the end of a Test match if Katie Price could pick a doosra or recall the batting average of Viv Richards.
It would be like a cricket version of My Fair Lady.
Or, better still, commentators could be traded for television presenters from other shows. Picture the scene where Paul O'Grady is doing the pitch report live from The Wanderers while Nasser Hussain is in the chair of O'Grady's daytime chat-show, interviewing Cilla Black.
Imagine Bruce Forsyth compering the post-match presentation at the SCG while David Lloyd rolls out the one-liners on Strictly Come Dancing. I can see it catching on.
READ HAINE STOPS PLAY EXCLUSIVELY AT CRICKET.CO.UK